Why is my blog called “All By My Self Development”?

**Trigger Warning** This post mentions of suicidal ideation, as some may find it disturbing. If you or someone you know is suicidal, please call 911 or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (8255) or message the Crisis Text Line at 741741.

I’ve had depression since I was a young teenager, and it has evolved into a different monster throughout the years. But since childhood, I’ve always wanted the freedom to make a living doing what I enjoy. However, if it wasn’t for the little help and support of my loved ones, I would have quit everything long ago and I would not be here today.

For every endeavor I pursue outside of whatever day-job I have at the time, I often find it difficult to obtain sufficient information from anyone to guide me on my journey. No one within my proximity knows the first thing about whatever niche, service, or product I strive to offer to the world. I always find myself left to my own devices, literally and figuratively. I also blame myself for the lack of know-how and know-who, as I’ve always been reserved and preferred to figure things out on my own.

My first real side-gig was through one of the most popular freelance sites for customers looking to hire someone to do work for as little as $5. After finishing college, I’ve made a few extra cash making PowerPoint presentations for international clients. I had one loyal customer for over a year until I’ve decided to raise my price a bit. Disappointing, but that wasn’t the end of the world for me. .

Three years later, when I sat in my tiny office cubicle, I stared at my computer screen. For the first time in my life, a dark cloud loomed over my head as suicidal thoughts took over my mind. It wasn’t death itself that was attractive, it was the freedom to not having to work a job anymore. I’ve been an Administrative Assistant for different employers within 10 years around this time. I was always tired, always bored. But I’ve believed administrative skills were the best I had to offer, despite having an art degree. Also, my constant fatigue was due to an illness I was diagnosed with years later. I’ll explain more in another blog.

Since then, I wanted to desperately to get out of this “wage-slavery”. So, I pursue new endeavors, making financial mistakes along the way. One day, I’ve had one passion that I wanted to make a living from. With optimism and stupidity, I’ve quit the job I’ve had at the time. It wasn’t long before I realized that I could never pay rent on time if I didn’t have a steady income. I had no choice but to apply for unemployment, which I could only get a paycheck for if I actively search for a new job. I mostly blame myself, and I partially blame the so-called business gurus on the internet that makes quitting a job and making money look so damn easy. Needless to say, I was still naïve enough to make the same mistake again a few years later.

Lesson: No matter how much you hate your job, don’t EVER quit until a new employer has hired you or your side-hustle brings in more income than your current job can provide!

To this day, no one else has had the same thoughts, learned the same lessons, or had the same experience as I have. Because I’ve gone through this journey alone, following the breadcrumbs of knowledge others have left me, I have grown into the person I am today. That is why I’ve given my blog the title: “All By My Self Development”.

Once again, I give all my thanks to my family, friends and therapist (for my break-through and a new desire for living). Now, here I am today, striving yet again for a new career goal I’ve set for myself. I am an aspiring Affiliate Marketer, and apparently a blogger now. I’ve never been a writer, but I do hope you enjoy my content and my self-development journey that I share with you all.

Thank you for reading.